Should grandparents get paid parental leave in New Zealand?

Viva beauty editor Ashleigh Cometti and her husband are parents to two boys, ages 4 and 18 months. Her eldest started in a private daycare at 14 months before moving to a public preschool three months ago, while her youngest started daycare at 8 months.

“Without my mother and mother-in-law, I wouldn’t have been able to go back to work after the birth of my eldest son,” says Cometti.

“He was six months old, I was still breastfeeding and I didn’t want to put him in daycare at such a young age. They took turns caring for him for eight months while I worked and as a result he didn’t go to daycare until he was 14 months old. I will always be so grateful for their support during my experience as a new mother.”

She now considers herself “extremely fortunate” that her mother and mother-in-law can still help with childcare during the week.

“My mother-in-law is retired and my mother works shifts, which means she is available during the week. Every Monday, my mother-in-law and mother-in-law take turns looking after our 1-year-old from 8:30am to 4pm while I work remotely.

“They are both very hands-on with our two children and are happy to help me when I need to pick up an extra day of work or attend a work event. The privilege of them living nearby is also not lost on me.”

If she had had the opportunity to transfer her parental leave to her mother or mother-in-law a year ago, she would have seized the opportunity with both hands.

“I think it’s fair. While neither of them has ever expected payment from me personally, I always try to show my appreciation in other ways – by delivering coffee, flowers or small treats where I can.”

For some, the availability of family members who can help with childcare is a factor in determining when to start a family.

“I’m trying to hold on until my mom is at least semi-retired so she can help with the caregiving, but that’s not going to happen anytime soon,” said a woman in her mid-30s, who asked not to be named.

“Without at least some parental help, I don’t know if we could afford childcare otherwise. But I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that I felt incredibly guilty about seeing my parents as a solution and source of free labor.

“I’m afraid that if I put it off too long, the window of opportunity will close.”

Newstalk ZB newsreaders Raylene Ramsay and Malcolm Jordan helped their daughter and son-in-law with childcare for their granddaughter Emiliana, now 4, until she went to daycare.

Ramsay tells the Herald: “My husband and I babysat Emiliana on Mondays and Fridays. That certainly helped financially, but Emmy was also about 6 months old and they wanted to gradually introduce her to childcare.

“This certainly ensured that our daughter was able to return to work sooner.”

Ramsay says it was “an absolute pleasure” to spend those days with her granddaughter.

“As a parent, and as a new parent, there is a lot of pressure and so many unknowns. It allowed Malcom and I to focus on her needs and enjoy her without limitations. That is the absolute beauty of being a grandparent.”

Ramsay admits that it was sometimes challenging to juggle caring for her granddaughter, her mother and her career.

“Being part of the ‘sandwich generation’ it was tiring at times, as my mother was still alive, in her 90s!”

She says including grandparents in a parental leave policy “would be great and a huge bonus for all family members to provide that flexibility, although I can imagine some companies wouldn’t find it beneficial”.

Would this policy work in New Zealand?

Dr Asha Sundaram, a senior lecturer in economics at the University of Auckland, points out that Sweden already has a much more generous parental leave policy than New Zealand.

“So it might be easier for parents in Sweden to transfer more of their rights, but that doesn’t mean we can’t adapt it to the New Zealand context.

“The other thing is that not all couples have parents available to contribute. In indigenous communities, for example, life expectancy is lower. In immigrant communities, parents may be overseas. So it might even be useful to see if we can expand what is meant by a caregiver, or perhaps even a community member.”

Sundaram notes that spending time with caregivers other than their parents can help children become more independent and develop social skills.

“For grandparents and the children, there is research that suggests that spending time together is good for behavioral and emotional outcomes. And even for the extended family, including aunts and uncles, there is some research that suggests that they influence the health outcomes and academic performance of the children.

“For parents, the biggest benefit is the flexibility it gives them to return to the workforce. And I think there’s also a broader societal benefit, which is that if we have happier, healthier adults, that’s great for society. The other thing is that the more people we have in the workforce, that can be good for the economy in general.”

Sundaram’s research shows that employers hire and promote fewer women during economic downturns. Women are more likely to take parental leave.

“They think women won’t come back… So if there is a policy where both parents can be flexible about this, then that kind of statistical discrimination can be mitigated.

“For women in particular, there’s research that shows that taking too much time off can have a negative impact on their work outcomes if they do have a career, because they lose some of their human capital. So if this helps them come back and get some of those skills back, that’s good for them and good for the economy.”

It’s not just mothers whose careers could benefit from this policy. Sundaram points out that it could allow grandparents to continue working while also caring for their grandchildren.

“People are living longer, so retiring at 65 is still a luxury for many people. There are more seniors in the labor market now than ever before.

“So if this policy allows grandparents to keep their jobs and help out where they can, that’s great.”

Why Spending Time with Grandparents is Good for Kids

According to Nathan Wallis, a neuroscience professor and child development expert, any time spent with grandparents is good for kids. And those who live close enough to see them often are even luckier.

“The grandparents who are more involved tend to have a deeper, quality relationship because they know the child better, understand the child’s idiosyncrasies better, and are more involved in the child’s daily dramas and trials,” he tells the NZ Herald.

Wallis explains that the relationship between grandparents and grandchildren is unique.

“Grandparents are probably the only other people in a child’s life who love them as much as their parents, but grandparents are more skilled, more patient, and more child-centered. Parents tend to be more directive in their speech toward children and more focused on following rules and behavior, while grandparents tend to be more focused on the child’s emotional well-being and how the child is feeling, and this in turn often creates a higher-quality relationship.”

Unlike previous generations, living close to your grandparents is no longer the norm, he points out.

“This isolation is putting a lot more strain on the family unit, so allowing parents to transfer leave could help bridge the distance and allow grandparents to be more involved. We know that the more involved grandparents are, (we) generally see better outcomes for the whole family, including the grandchildren.”

Parenting techniques may have changed over time, but what parents and grandparents will always have in common is love and care for their children and grandchildren. Wallis’ advice to new grandparents is to communicate about how you can be involved in your grandchildren’s lives.

“Jump in, join in and work out the new parenting techniques as you go – your input is incredibly valuable.

“A brief conversation with those around you about how important their grandparents were to them will likely make it clear to you how crucial this role is and how central it is to the well-being of children.

“While not all children have the luxury of involved grandparents, those who do generally rave about the benefits. So take a risk and get involved.”

Fiona Kingsford, CEO of Whānau Āwhina Plunket, says New Zealand can learn a lot from Sweden’s approach to paid parental leave.

“The reality is that here in Aotearoa New Zealand, we have about 10,000 grandparents raising their grandchildren. There are many working parents who rely on grandparents to provide childcare every day so that they can cope with the daily challenges of raising a young family.

“Furthermore, it is clear that there are mutual benefits to the well-being of both grandparents and their mokopuna by spending time together. In fact, research shows that there are cognitive benefits for everyone. It’s a win-win.”

Bethany Reitsma is an Auckland-based lifestyle and entertainment journalist who has joined the Herald in 2019. She specializes in telling The True Stories of Kiwis, money saving tricks And anything that has anything to do with coffee.